This story goes a long way back, so far in fact that a number of details have slipped my mind. I am talking of an incident that occured somewhere between 1970 and 1974 so I feel no immediate pressure in pretending otherwise. I was on my way back from the US and I do not recall if it was my first visit which in fact was a private trip or a subsequent business trip, not that any of that would have a bearing on this story although the naivety of my actions suggest the former. Nor does the fact that I do not remember the actual airport (other than it was New York) from which I was returning to London or even in fact how I got to the airport. I do however have a vivid recollection that on finding the gate corresponding to the number printed on my boarding pass I was surprised that there was nobody there and that all the other passengers were apparently already on the plane. I believe I was aware that in those days some domestic flights in the US were run much in the same way as London Transport, buy your ticket and jump on the nearest bus or tube, yet I found it a little strange that there was nobody to punch my ticket or as I was travelling internationally check out my passport. Once on the plane the nagging feeling that something was wrong was hardly dispelled as I took a quick inventory of my fellow passengers. I am not prone to xenophobia so please don´t get me wrong when I say that nobody looked as if they belonged in London and why would this plane of all planes be filled to the brim with American tourists going to London. The gentleman standing nearest to me was wearing a ten gallon hat as if to underline my train of thought. I meekly asked him hoping nobody else would hear my question, ”excuse me is this plane going to London? He was well over six feet tall so I wasn´t just imagining that he looked down at me as he replied, ”London Canada?” I felt the blood rushing to my face,”no, London England,” I managed to stutter. ” Gee no, we´re on our way to Texas.” Looking back I can imagine people must have thought that the plane was on fire if my hasty departure was anything to go by. Again my memory fails me, which under the circumstances is I feel completely forgiveable, yet somehow I acquired the information that I had in fact gone to the correct departure gate only I was in the wrong terminal. Jumping into the first taxi in a long line of taxis waiting outside I breathlessy expressed my desire for rapid transportation to the neighbouring terminal. The journey couldn´t have taken more than a few minutes but with me realizing that I was in the immediate risk of missing my plane to London it seemed like ages. Just for good measure I probably had the angriest New York cab driver of the month next to me. In no uncertain language, familiar to me from watching American television series rather than any wider grasp of the English language, he explained to me that he had to stand in line for hours at the airport to hopefully catch a fare downtown; a ride from his point of view definitely more lucrative than the one I had requested. Not only to placate my chauffeur but also in matters of expediency I quickly unloaded all my remaining dollars into his hand and disappeared into the terminal imagining that the string of abuse still emanating from the yellow vehicle had abated somewhat. Next time you stand in line for a security check after showing your boarding card and/or your passport for the umpteenth time just think, ”well at least nobody will be getting on the wrong plane.”
If you are wondering why I haven´t commented Brexit today, let me say Theresa May has gone mad, Jeremy Corbyn has gone AWOL and both of them and me think whatever it is they are not doing can wait until after Christmas.
Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
